Step 8

Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends

to them all.

Proverbs 14:9 – Fools mock at making amends for sin, but goodwill is found among the upright.

If we have completed a thorough inventory of ourselves, we should be able to see that our attitudes and actions have hurt people. When we listed our resentments, we discovered that the people we resented were not the only ones to blame --that we had played a part in the situation as well. And if we’ve been living with anger, resentment and bitterness for a period of time, our attitudes and actions have most likely caused even more damage. Any effort to live on self-will has surely caused harm to those around us, as well as living in fear that our basic instincts would not be met. Gossip or slander may have damaged someone’s reputation. Dishonesty, deceit, or perhaps theft will require compensation --quite possibly a financial amends. Selfishness, self-centeredness, and being inconsiderate of others will also cause harm to others. And let’s not forget greed, lust, and pride. We all have the ability to cause damage and hurt people when we are living in the flesh. If we tend to think that our sins are only hurting ourselves, we most certainly need to take a closer look.

So, we begin Step 8 by reviewing our entire Step 4 inventory, asking God to show us all of the people we have harmed, and we commence to write down their names. Then, we take the time to rethink all the details of the wrongs we have committed towards them and look at consequences of our actions. If there is still any bitterness towards anyone, we must become willing to forgive them for their trespasses as God has forgiven us. We shouldn’t go making amends to people unless we have completely forgiven them for any wrongs that they might have done to us.

If we have confessed and repented of our sin, God has been faithful to forgive us, but there is still more action that we need to take. Scripture instructs us to make amends for our sin, to be reconciled to our brothers, to live in harmony with one another, and if it is possible, to live at peace with everyone.

Matthew 5:23-24 – “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”

Romans 12:16-21 – Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Making a sincere amends will require death to our pride, and it will allow us to exercise genuine humility.

James 3:13 – Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.

James 3:17-18 – But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

Making amends for our wrongs will also relieve guilt and clear our conscience. Paul strove to keep his conscience clear before God and man, and he instructed Timothy to do the same.

Acts 24:16 – So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man.

1 Timothy 1:18-19 – Timothy, my son, I give you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight, 19 holding on to faith and a good conscience. Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith.

1 Peter 4:7-8 – The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. 8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

It is quite possible that the person with whom we need to make our amends is struggling with resentment and bitterness from the wrongs that we have done to them. Making our amends can help them to forgive us. In this way, our amends can be of use to them. If we were struggling with resentment and bitterness, we would most definitely want the person we were resenting to make amends that would help us to forgive them.

Matthew 7:12 – So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

The greatest hindrance to us in becoming willing to make amends will most likely be pride. Another hindrance might be that we feel the people we have offended were wrong too. In fact, many times we will feel that they were ones who were mostly wrong. Our pride will try to rationalize and justify our actions and attitudes by looking to other people and circumstances that are to blame for the wrongs we’ve done. The greater our feelings of guilt, the more we must blame. This sends us on a downward spiral of guilt, blame, and bitterness that is devastating to our mental, emotional and spiritual well being. Remember: Steps 8 and 9 have absolutely nothing to do with anything that anyone has done to us. It is all about the wrongs that we have done to them.

Here are some common rationalizations and excuses for not making amends, and reasons why they are not very good rationalizations or excuses.

1. “It happened along time ago.” If it happened a long time ago, then we need to ask ourselves, “Why do we still remember it?” Since it is something that has been on our conscience for such a long time, this is all the more reason to make it right.

2. “It was such a small offense.” We need to ask ourselves another question, “Has it been eating away at our conscience?” If it is big enough to remember, then it is big enough for making amends.

3. “Things have gotten better. Our relationship has already improved.” If our relationship with the person we have harmed seems to be improving before we ask forgiveness, it could be that God is preparing the other person to completely forgive us. We shouldn’t mistakenly use it as a reason not to ask for forgiveness, but instead we should thank God for His grace and make the amends.

4. “The person that I’ve harmed has moved away, and I don’t have their new phone number.” The internet has brought us a quick, free, and easy way to do a “people search.” (There is a good one at www.yahoo.com) If we have sincerely become willing and really want to make amends, we can find them. The important thing is not to use this as an excuse to remain unwilling.

5. “They won’t understand.” We will probably be amazed at how well they will understand. Our job is to obey God, and let Him take care of their understanding.

6. “Making the amends will involve money that I don’t have.” We can make arrangements to pay back what we owe by installments that we can afford. Most people will be pleased to find out that we are taking responsibility for our debt and sincerely trying to pay them back.

Romans 13:7-8 – Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. 8 Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.

7. “I’ll do it later.” --Not a good idea. Procrastination only delays the clear conscience and healed relationships that God wants us to have now, and a death would cause the opportunity to make things right with someone never come.

8. “The other person was mostly wrong.” We are making amends for the wrongs we have done. Again, Steps 8 and 9 have nothing to do with what they have done to us. However, we might be surprised to hear the person respond to our amends by asking us to forgive them as well. Someone has to begin the humbling process. Let it be us.

Matthew 5:9 – Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.

9. “If I honestly try to never do it again, won’t that be enough?” Simply not doing wrong in the future will not completely erase the wrongs we have done in the past, the guilt we may feel, or our desire to hide when we see them. We need to make amends.

10. “The person who I have harmed is not a Christian. --What will they think?” They will think that they have finally witnessed a genuine display of Christianity.

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